It's a new day!!

Well I don't want to talk about my last journal and I know it's been a while since I could write and post it. That message needed to stay here for me and I needed to see it everyday. I was really down and out over Alan's death and that's all I could think about for a while. I'm back to myself now and I'll always miss him but its time to move on and realize he is in a better place. :0) So here I am again. I wanted to say my sister is coming next week and im so thrilled. I'm very excited to see her. It's been over a year and I really need some girl time. I can't believe she turned 17 two months ago. I really am shocked at when I think about how time flies. I mean it seems like yeasturday she was 11 and now shes 17. Literally all I can say it wow! She can be a little brat still though so she has not really lost that quality. Haha. Don't tell her I said that hehe. Jk she knows. We are going to have a full week of fun fun fun and I wont have to work all day every day. I'm sick of it. I need some time to myself. It's hard esp when you do have time to yourself there is noone you can spend it with. My b/f tries but hes an ex. chef and when you date someone with that title you have to date his work too. It's life I guess. I hope one day it will settle down and we can have time to ourselves. The problem with that is not making enough money in a small town. But it does not look like we are going anywhere for that matter. At least not anytime soon. Wish me luck because its been 4 years with Mitch and I'm hoping by my 5th year he will ask me the big question. I try not to force him into letting me know when or if he feels that way but come on by 5 years you should know wheather u want to spend the rest of your life with that person or not. I hope it happens. I'm 24 but im ready to settle down and make my life complete. Im starting to live like I want to. I'm finding myself a little big more everyday. I used to be that depressed teenager that hated her life and never enjoyed living but now I do and I enjoy who I am and am proud of who I've become inside. I'm passionate, sensitive, caring, giving, honest, a great listener, my personality has done a complete 360 turnaround, I'm more outgoing, and loving. I love being me now. In order to love you have to love yourself. Sure I go through spurts where I'm like why am I this why don't i do this and that and this and that. But who doesn't sit back and take a look at things like their image, their life, what's wrong, the normal things people do sometimes. Beyond that I'm holding up okay. Oh ive enjoyed doing features on the news for DA. It's a lot of fun and I really am looking forward to do more and having everyone tell me what they think. I try to do something different everytime. Last but not least HAPPY 9TH BIRTHDAY DA! I'm so happy to be part of this community. Here's to many more years of creativity and amazing artist!

Features by the lovely artists
















"FireFly"- Breaking Benjamin

You my friend
You're a lot like them
But I caught your lie
And you know I did
Now I'm lost in you
Like I always do
And I'd die to win
'Cause I'm born to lose

[Chorus:]
Firefly
Could you shine your light
Now I know your ways
'Cause they're just like mine
Now I'm justified
As I fall in line
And it's hard to try
When you're open wide


Take my hand
We'll be off and then
We'll come back again
To a different land
Now I like this way
You could go away
If you guess the name
You could not replace

[Chorus:]
Firefly
Could you shine your light
Now I know your ways
'Cause they're just like mine
Now I'm justified
As I fall in line
And it's hard to try
When you're open wide

Bring me your enemies
Lay them before me and
Walk away
Walk away!
WALK AWAY!!!


[Chorus:]
Firefly
Could you shine your light
Now I know your ways
'Cause they're just like mine
Now I'm justified
As I fall in line
And it's hard to try
When you're open wide

Fuck You Firefly
Have you lost your light?
Now I hate your ways
'Cause they're just like mine
So you lost my friend
Such a sorry end
And I don't know why
So I joke and smile

SMILE!

WHAT'S WRONG?!!

I lost a friend a few days ago and I'm not quite sure how to get over it. It's all a blur and memories of growing up together and hanging out came flooding into my mind. This is so hard. Denial was my first feeling. I tried to prove it wrong. Tried to call his cell, tried to talk to him and it didn't work. Nothing is what I got on the other end. Knowing the truth is hard but knowing the reason why is harder. Demons creep into people and they don't leave. Sometimes we can't face the blame. Facing that would mean admitting that we have a problem! DAMNIT WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK FOR HELP! I WOULD'VE BEEN THERE!! I WOULD HAVE!! Why did you have to go why? I'm not okay. I'm not. I cried for two whole days about you and I thought I would wake up and it would be a dream. Hiding your problems wont help you in life. Talk to someone if you are depressed you hurt more people than just yourself. Even if you think the world has given up on you. There are always people that love and care about you somewhere. Reaching out a hand doesn't hurt either. If you see someone that is depressed ask them what is the matter. You never know if that will be the last time you talk to them or not. Drugs not the answer either. Turning the light out doesn't make it better. Your family is lost without you Alan! You didn't realize the love you had. Drugs didn't make it better didn't make your pain go away instead they made you give up and pheen for them. Made you think they were all you had. When really they made you disappear body and soul. YOU ARE GONE AND I'M PISSED OFF AND CONFUSED! I can't stand the fact that you arn't around anymore. I remember so many things about you before the demons. I remember ghost hunting with you and Nicole. We had so much fun. That was one of the best summers of my life. You were so crazy you didn't care you would bust into those homes with no fear of anything. Nicole and I were always happy you were there to protect us lol. I'll never forget you and your diet pepsi. I'll never look at it the same again. You used to make me walk to the store at night time just to get one. The time we spent talking on the computer will always be on my mind as well. Esp. the time I was at your house and you cooked enchiladas and I dropped my plate by falling down your basement steps. Your parents laughed so hard. Your 70's Basement. You couldn't find that anywhere. Though I hated you diarea carpet I'll miss it now. It was your favorite spot to hang out. Life is short but I never thought it would be this short for you. We are only two months apart. Your 24!! It's heartbreaking. It took my breath away when I seen your obit. Most of all it upset me to know that when I come home there is nowhere to go to say goodbye to you. Cremation was the way you went though I'm sure if you had the money you would've been burried so that you could haunt the graveyard for life. You always loved the thought of stalking and scaring people. So I'm saying goodbye here because I have to. I have to get it out! Hurt is what I am right now. You had an iq of a genius you couldve been anything. You were amazing on computers. I'm sorry I stopped talking to you. I feel horrible that I turned away when you told me you were on drugs. You were hooked and I told you I wouldn't be friends with someone who did them ever! That never made you stop and now I'm going to think about it forever. I should've forgave you. I don't know what happened but I'm going to miss you forever. Here's some features from the lovely










"Hear Me Now"-Framing Hanley

Well, I swear to God we've been down this road before
The guilt's no good, and it only shames us more
And the truths that we all try to hide,
Are so much clearer when its not our lives
When we don't face the blame

Won't you (get on your knees)
*Have faith*
Believe
In this lie with us all.

Now my body's on the floor and I am calling,
Well I'm calling out to you,
Can you hear me now?

It's not rebellion when you're selling out to an
Out of fashion salesman
Our promising lives, are full of empty promises
Temptations falling and calling you home again
well I'm sorry, if we've let you down

Won't you (get on your knees)
*Have faith*
Believe
In this lie with us all.

Now my body's on the floor and I am calling,
Well I'm calling Out to you
Can you hear me now?
Now my body's on the floor and I am crawling,
I'm crawling out to you
Can you feel me now?

What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?
What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?
What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?
What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?

Now my body's on the floor and I am calling,
Well I'm calling out to you

Now my body's on the floor and I am calling
Now my body's on the floor and I am calling
Now my body's on the floor and I am calling
Well I'm calling out to you.
To you.

THANK YOU!!!!

I am so very happy right now. I have been featured for the very first time by the lovely
. Click here ----> [link] to see my work and lots of others work. I enjoy deviant art so very much. In fact I love it. Getting to see amazing pieces and such talented artist. Even though there have been a lot of drama I don't care I don't come on here for that. I come to admire it all!! To all who are on my watch list!! I watch you for a reason I enjoy your beautiful works so much. If you ever have a doubt that people don't look or care about your art just remember there's somebody that does and who thinks you are awesome. Thanks so much for sharing a part of you as well. I love my fellow D.D's. I'm very honored to be given the chance to show my stuff. It's photographs but I'm learning and im excited to get a bigger camera and start on better things. Getting started has been wonderful. My aunt is a photographer and her work is amazing. Though I know I've got a long ways to go before I can get that good. I am happy to be out there taking pictures period. Thank you so much to everyone who has favored one or more of my photos. Happy Happy Happy.

Have a wonderful Sunday!!

"Good Enough"~Evanescence~

"Good Enough"

Under your spell again.
I can't say no to you.
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
I can't breathe but I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough for you.

Drink up sweet decadence.
I can't say no to you,
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
Can't believe that I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough.
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.
Pour real life down on me.
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me,
'cause I can't say no.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

So I figured I would write a blog since it has been since AUG!! I can't believe it! I come on here everyday and favorite what I like and roam around but I haven't done that. Aw well bad me. Anyways the holidays are here! I can't wait til they are over but I will try to enjoy them the best I can. I still have yet to get a damn tree! My b/f has been so busy with work so it's been a rough month. My birthday was on the 4th which was alright. A little lonely. He did manage to take me out to lunch which was very nice concidering he doesn't have time to do anything. I just haven't been in the holiday spirit this year. No lights up either yet. I'm slacking. I need to get on it we only have a few more days before christmas. I didn't really ask for anything this year but I still hope I get something from the heart and that is nice. We are going to spend christmas eve with mitch's mom and christmas with mitch's dad which will be fun because I can relax and laugh around a fire. I wish I had a fireplace. It would be so nice I probably wouldn't sleep in the bedroom only in the summer because on cold winter nights there is just something about a nice blaze that gets you so comfy you dont want to move. Plus I don't feel bad about it because it gets dark at 4 anyway here. My cat is going to be dressed as santa. I'm so excited. Lots of pictures. He hates it but he loves me lol. Too cute. Mitch and I are going to get our pictures done. In may it will be 4 years of us being together. I'm so very excited. This lady excepts pets too so we are going to take our cat and get all kinds of pictures done. It will be nice to have some photos to hang on the wall as well. I've been thinking a lot about the new year and what's in store for me in the future. I'm definatly going to lose weight. I have already lost 43 pounds in a matter of months. So I'm going to keep going until I reach 130! I will be so exstatic! 20 MORE POUNDS TO GO! And I've been thinking about going back to school. I want a future with my b/f and by that I mean marriage and a baby. I would love one kid. If I couldn't deal with anymore that would be fine because I would have one and it would have a home and a loving mother and father. Made out of love. I'm 24 im ready to live now! And hopefully life can only get better! Merry Christmas and Have a Happy New Year!!- Holly

Snow White Queen- Evanescence

Stoplight, lock the door.
Don't look back.
Undress in the dark,
And hide from you,
All of you.

You'll never know the way your words have haunted me.
I can't believe you'd ask these things of me.
You don't know me.

You belong to me,
My snow white queen.
There's nowhere to run, so let's just get it over.
Soon I know you'll see,
You're just like me.
Don't scream anymore my love, 'cause all I want is you.

Wake up in a dream.
Frozen fear.
All your hands on me.
I can't scream

I can't escape the twisted way you think of me.
I feel you in my dreams and I don't sleep.

You belong to me,
My snow white queen.
There's nowhere to run, so let's just get it over.
Soon I know you'll see,
You're just like me.
Don't scream anymore my love, 'cause all I want is you

I can't save your life,
Though nothing I bleed for is more tormenting.
I'm losing my mind and you just stand there and stare as my world divides.

You belong to me,
My snow white queen.
There's nowhere to run, so let's just get it over.
Soon I know you'll see,
You're just like me.
Don't scream anymore my love, 'cause all I want is you.

I won't give up until it's over.

Well It's been a min. since I have updated this. I was upset in my last blog I see. I'm sorry about that. Losing my pa was hard for me it took a while to get over it. Sep will be a year he has been gone and it's getting easier and easier everyday to know he is happy and in a better place now. Anyways I'm here and I just want everyone to know I'm still devoted on here searching and favoring art. I make sure to leave comments on everyones page to tell them how much I admire their work. Fall is on the way and I just get into that calm content mood. It has always been my favorite season. I miss the smell and know I will be smelling the air very soon. I can't wait to spend the season with my b.f. I love him so much he is everything to me. This year has been hard on us and I hope we make it through many years and Hopefully Forever is in the future for us. I always keep faith I believe everything will work out. He's amazing to me I hope I'm just as amazing to him. I'm finally coming to my senses about finding my place in this world. I want to make some thing of myself and not just talk about it actually do it. I want to make myself happy and lately its been hard im 23 years old and i feel as if im stuck and im not moving in any type of direction. I try my best to make people happy and myself for that matter but there is always that negativity in the back of my mind. I am finally becoming aware of myself. I'm starting to love myself the way I should. Sure I could stand to lose weight be more challenging in life, stay positive with everything. One thing for sure is I know who I am now. I'm very passionate, loving, caring, sensitive, outgoing, outspoken, if i love you i will love you forever, trusting, a good listener, i am very loyal. I can only be me. I may not have a college degree or be a cook but i know who i am and i can only be me. For a very long time nothing i did or anyone else did for that matter could make me feel better about myself or life in general. I'm starting to realize how precious life is and how strong love could be in happiness. I am happy but I know ive messed up in the past and i know it has a lot to do with how things are going right now but if people have faith in me I can overcome anything and hopefully feelings for me will grow stronger. If u ever read this Mitch I want you to know I love you more than words can explain. You have always been there for me and I will be there for you I know things are confusing for you and I didn't do my best over the years but I am trying and I love you with all of my heart I hope you love me with all of yours too baby. Always and Forever Is What I Am Hoping For. You Make My Heart Whole. I'm finding my own place and I want you to be there with me and I want to be there for you to find your place as well. I love you babe. Forever.


"Diary Of Jane" Breaking Benjamin

If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

No!

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.

Try to find out what makes you tick.
As I lie down
Sore and sick.
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

There's a fine line between love and hate.
And I don't mind.
Just let me say that
I like that
I like that

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love.
Die for anyone
What have I become?

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.