I haven't written anything in so long. So much has happened. I want to make this a good journal because in the past they were so sad and depressing from my loss. I really have tried becoming into my own since everything happened. I had a little help but I pretty much did it on my own. It was a long journey and it's still on going. I am now seeing someone very dear to me named Kyle. We have been dating 8 months. I am very happy with him and I am in love once again. I try not to expect too much because I know how things can change in an instant. But for now I'm happy. I really want us to work. I adore him. There are some things I see that I wish I could change already. Hopefully they will get better. I always find myself saying that. But this time I really do try to be up front about my feelings and I over analyze everything but who wouldn't after everything. I hope this one is different and we'll be happy together. I really am a deserving person esp. of love. I am not arrogant at all but I know who I am and I know I'm a good person who deserves to be treated the way I treat others. I went into depth already. My kitty cat Marius has been diagnosed with Diabietes Ansipidous and he's a tough lil man. I love him dearly and no matter what has happened it's always been me and him in the end. His breed is supposed to last 14 to 22 years but he's only 6 and he sometimes has a hard time. The ADH chemical in his brain is not working. It does not let him know when he is thirsty or hungary or full or not thirsty. So he drinks and drinks and it washes out all of the electrolytes out of his body. Which in the long run causes kidney failure and hard stool and it can be reversed but through painful medicine that has to be put in the eyes and he would become a special needs cat and would have to go to the vets alot. It's very expensive and I look at it this way which was not an easy way to look at it. But would I rather have him live as long as he can happy or try to make him last longer by making him do this crap and be miserable. Who knows maybe he will outsmart everyone and live a very long time. I hope so I love him so much. He's very playful and very tough. What else is new? Well I'm still working at my dead beat job. But my b/f and I now live together and I hope in the spring we can find something together to call our own. I moved in with him and its been tough sometimes we have our differences and different work schedules and different ideas of romance but we are happy together. At least I hope so. Well Marius and I are just hanging out and I have had a migraine all day. I'm still taking pictures and still featuring great artist. I'll put some more of my stuff on here soon. I love my little family and I love deviant art

"Get Up & Go"

She plays guitar with her fingertips
She'll play your heart with her tender lips
She'll work it out until she makes the tips
And it's alright, yeah it's alright
Holding her tight in late December
I look in the stars and I remember
She doesn't mind when you offend her
And it's alright, yeah it's alright

Just a girl like you, and maybe just a
Just a guy like me, maybe we
Could take a walk on the wild side
Take a look and see
Get up and go
Just a girl like you, and maybe just a
Just a guy like me, maybe we
Could take a walk on the wild side
Take a look and take a look and go
Get Up and Go

What could I give when you've got all you need
And she looks at me like all I want's a little free
Every time I look at you it makes me see
That it's alright, yeah it's alright
We'll get away be in love we can make it better
All I need's a little time for us to get together
Happiness is just a step away
When it's alright, yeah it's alright

Just a girl like you, and maybe just a
Just a guy like me, maybe we
Could take a walk on the wild side
Take a look and see
Get up and go
Just a girl like you, and maybe just a
Just a guy like me, maybe we
Could take a walk on the wild side
Take a look and take a look and go

Ooh oh, ooh oh, won't you go
Ooh oh, ooh oh, won't you go
Ooh oh, ooh oh, won't you go
Take a look and, take a look and go

Seems like love has always found a way
But there's only so many hours in the day
All that I know is that you're here with me
And it's alright, yeah it's alright
Won't you tell me that you need me so bad
'Cause you are everything I've never had
Every time I look at you it hurts so bad
And it's alright, yeah it's alright

Just a girl like you, and maybe just a
Just a guy like me, maybe we
Could take a walk on the wild side
Take a look and see
Get up and go
Just a girl like you, and maybe just a
Just a guy like me, maybe we
Could take a walk on the wild side
Take a look and take a look and go
Get up and go

Journal skin by TwiggyTeeluck
Bokeh brushes by nuarted

Everyday is hard for me. Life goes on and my heart beats still. Still....I feel as if I'm barely breathing and I'm holding on to something so untouchable so unreachable. He doesn't feel anything for me nor does he show an ounce of remorse for what he has done. Destroyed me is the only thing I can say. I'll spare you the depth of the situation. My trust has been terminated and no longer will I look for something that doesn't exist in a society so self indulged. Meaningless words are used everyday, something so special gone in a blink of an eye. People cheat, people lie, people use people, and embarrass them and themselves without a bit of care. I really don't understand any of it. Love and hate are so powerful. You can't get any deeper than those two words alone. The meaning behind them, the feeling behind them. Most of us don't even know what real love is or are we willing to truly feel how intense and amazing it can be. To give yourself fully to someone and receive the same in return. I wont even go to hate I really don't feel like explaining how I hide the hate inside. What I will say is that people that live double lives and never share their unhappiness with someone that loves them so much and take almost 6 years to make a clear break are unbelievable. I gave you everything  and even though your never going to read this I hope one day it hurts I hope you understand what you put me through. I'll never be the same. I've lost myself in this gutless world. I'm trying to get better by seeing a therapist every Wed. but even that doesn't take the pain away. It's real and I know how my heart feels. Still I love him so.....how sick is that? How awful is that? He feeds on my soul without even wanting it. Great.


Do you ever think about me?
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
In the middle of the night when you're awake,
Are you calling out for me?
Do you ever reminisce?
I can't believe I'm acting like this
I know it's crazy
How I still can feel your kiss

[1] - It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you
I should know better but it's just not the case
It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away

Do you ever ask about me?
Do your friends still tell you what to do?
Every time the phone rings,
Do you wish it was me calling you?
Do you still feel the same?
Or has time put out the flame?
I miss you
Is everything okay?


It's hard enough just passing the time
When I can't seem to get you off my mind
And where is the good in goodbye?
Tell me why, tell me why